"I'm the high school student"
It was last summer vacation. I was looking for a part time job. I thought it would be great if I have a tutor job, which I could be paid well, not spending too much time. One day, I found one advertisement on internet. It was written, "I'm a first-year high school student looking for an English private tutor. I prefer a female teacher." She left her phone number and address below. I was so excited that it seemed perfect for me. Even the place where she lived was so close to my house. I called the number and a middle-aged woman answered. I, of course, thought she was the student's mom. She wanted to talk about more details in person, so we just made an appointment. Before the meeting day, I asked for some advice to my friends who already had a lot of tutoring experience. I prepared a level test, also thought about how much I could be paid. A few days later, I went to her house exactly on time dressing properly. The woman who I talked to on the phone welcomed me. She asked me to take a seat, and I was waiting for her daughter to come out. However, anyone came out so I asked her where the student was. I can't still forget how I was embarrassed. She said, "Oh, It's me. I'm the student" I got blanked out but I tried to pretend not to be surprised. Everything I prepared before was gone, and I didn't know what to do. She asked me to introduce myself in English and told me how much she would pay. I couldn't say anything. After she planned everything, I got out her house. I didn't know what happen to me. It would be hard to teach someone who's much older than me, and I hadn't had any experience. Moreover I was not sure if I can handle such a strong personality woman. Even though I was anxious, I decided to try at least. It was a challenging experience for me. She used to forget our class and went out for a dinner instead. I had to wait for her over than an hour but I couldn't say anything. She was around my mom's age, so I had to be polite. She paid me even very late. She was motivated but her understanding was quite late compared to average high school students. After two months, I found myself with no money because I spent it up, but a big realization that it's hard to earn money.
"How I met my best friend"
If I come up with a person, who's really important to me besides my family, it's my friend, Natalie. People usually think it's hard to make true friends in university, but I met her in university. It was summer vacation of my freshmen year. At that time, I was dating a guy from my school. I used to hang out with him and his high school friends. One day, we got together and we were drinking beer with them. One of them, who I got along with well, told me he went a blind dating the other day. Interestingly, the girl who was there was from my school and she was also a member of my photograph club. He told me what happened on the day me. They drank quite a lot and kissed accidently. That's all. They didn't contact again. I was so curious who she was. He told me her name but I didn't know who she was. Since I didn't participate in my club activities hard, I didn't really know everyone in the club. After summer vacation ended, the fall semester started. I was in the club room chatting with other friends. Then a girl came into the room and said hello to me. She introduced her, and I figured out she was she! I pretended not to know anything about her at first. Seeing her a few times, I thought it would be okay to talk about the happening to her. I whispered to her, "Don't you know Hyosub?" She was so surprised and asked me back right away. "How do you know him, what did he tell you?" She was embarrassed that I knew her secret happening. At the same time, it was just funny and we started laughing. What a small world! Since the day, we became closer and closer sharing more secrets. Sometimes we remembered the day and laughed as we did on the day.
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1.I think you are talking about your experience of teaching an old woman. I once had a same experience but I refused the job. Anyway, I liked the part where you said you can't still forget how embrassed you were. It kind of made me feel how you were embrassed when she said I'm the student. But there were some parts where I was little confused. "I prepared a level test,.." Are you talking about a level test for the student? Also, "After she planned everything.." Did she plan everything by herself, didn't you plan it with her? I also think the hook is kind of too plain to get people's interest and the conclusion is talking about the whole new thing. If you work on these things I guess it'll be much interesting writing.
ReplyDelete2. You seem to be talking how you met your best friend Natalie. It was interesting how you got to know your best friend's little secret before you even met her. I think it's nice to have friends who you could talk about your secrets. But I think some of the sentences were too short. Maybe it'd be better if you could put two or three sentences together. Also I think it would improve your writing if you could descirbe her reaction when you asked her about the blind date. I think then it'll be a lot more interesting writing.
1.I think you are talking about your experience of teaching an old woman. I once had a same experience but I refused the job. Anyway, I liked the part where you said you can't still forget how embrassed you were. It kind of made me feel how you were embrassed when she said I'm the student. But there were some parts where I was little confused. "I prepared a level test,.." Are you talking about a level test for the student? Also, "After she planned everything.." Did she plan everything by herself, didn't you plan it with her? I also think the hook is kind of too plain to get people's interest and the conclusion is talking about the whole new thing. If you work on these things I guess it'll be much interesting writing.
ReplyDelete2. You seem to be talking how you met your best friend Natalie. It was interesting how you got to know your best friend's little secret before you even met her. I think it's nice to have friends who you could talk about your secrets. But I think some of the sentences were too short. Maybe it'd be better if you could put two or three sentences together. Also I think it would improve your writing if you could descirbe her reaction when you asked her about the blind date. I think then it'll be a lot more interesting writing.
Feedback on “I’m the Highschool Student”
ReplyDeleteWhat I like about this paragraph is that it had a surprising ending which hit me very hard. Your main point seems to be that you had an unforgettable experience while teaching a woman who is your mother’s age. I liked how you used the dialogue “Oh, it’s me. I’m the student” because it gave me a clear picture of what situation you were in. The sentence “However, anyone came out so I asked her where the student was” puzzles me. What are you trying to say in this paragraph? Are you trying to say a random person came out by saying “anyone came out”? One thing that would improve the writing would be have a clear topic sentence and correcting some grammar mistakes. However, the topic and the idea was very funny. It was the funniest writing I read in this class.
Feedback on “How I met my Best Friend”
What I like about this paragraph is that it had many dialogues which made in very vivid and fun to read. Your main point seems to be how you met your best friend Natalie by revealing her secret to her. I like the sentence “She introduced her, but I found out she was she!” because of the usage of the exclamation mark. It made me thrilled and notified me that this was the climax of the paragraph. “I also don’t like the sentence I mentioned above because it doesn’t explain how you found out it was her. You just blatantly say you found out it was her without explaining the readers how you found out it was her. One thing that would improve the paragraph would be reducing the grammatical errors and a clearer topic sentence and a concluding sentence. Also, it’d be better to include some information on how you found out that the girl who approached you was the girl who kissed HyoSub.