2010/07/07 – Intro to Academic Writing 200701804 Shin Jeongchul
Topic – Are pets good companions?
Dogs – The Best Friend of Yours
Although there are some pieces of stunning news about dog attack on children lately, dogs are still good friends of human being. Dogs wait for you until you come home after work like good friends who always welcome you, not depending on their daily mood. From how dogs conduct themselves to you, you can learn how to keep good relations with others. We often treat our friends and family differently in accordance with our daily condition. On the other hand, dogs always trust and follow us. Looking at the entire life of your dog, you can think about life and death. Since you see how creature is born and die, you may learn how valuable your life is. In some cases, dogs can bite people to defend themselves from danger. However, they are still good companions who love, respect and teach you.
2010/07/07 – Intro to Academic Writing 200701804 Shin Jeongchul
Topic – How you met someone who is important to you
Usual, but Special
About two years ago, summer, I studied in the city of Vladivostok, Russia as an exchange student. Most people may think I had such a wonderful life for 6 months there. However, I was stuck in daily routine. One day, at 11 a.m. Yana, my best friend, one of which I used to call three musketeers –she always accompanied two female friends. For that reason, I called the company in that way- , called on me. She invited me to her 19th birthday party. Having nothing to do alone, I gladly accepted her proposal. On my arrival in a Japanese restaurant, where the party held in, I saw three musketeers and two unknown girls. They knew each other well as they were members of the Japanese faculty of the same university, but me. Because I didn't know how to deal with strangers, I was embarrassed. I kept silent throughout the party. While we enjoyed eating different fresh sushi rolls, I sensed somebody's continuous sight at me. It was Anna, one of two strangers. She got such fascinating blue eyes and shiny blond hair. Though I was sitting against her, there was absolutely no word we took out of the mouth. As the party came to an end, I began worrying if I would not have any chance to meet that nice Russian girl. When Anna and I walked out of the restaurant after the party, I halted and asked her for phone number. After the first encounter, I called Anna out three times to take a walk together. Until now, we have been keeping in touch with another. Today we became essential persons to each other. The day wasn't full of romantic events. However, it was one of the most special moments of my life because I met whom I am destined with.
I will do indentation next time.
ReplyDeleteWhat a world.... While I was writing the first paragraph about dogs, my mother called me urgently, "Look! His legs don't seem to maintain his own weight. They're trembling!" My 14 year-old pet dog was showing very weird symptom, which seemed to be a sort of neurological problem.... Gosh, it's too early to leave me. Ah, he does not know what the word 'death' means. However, he's getting closer to it.
stunning -> astounding*
ReplyDeleteI will be more careful next time. :)
1. What I like about this piece of writing is that it emphasizes how dogs behave to their owners. The writer’s main point seems that although there are some dogs that attack people the majority of them tend to be happy with their owners. I liked the part where the author says that dogs love their owners whatever mood they are in. But in the first and last part where it talks about “dog attacks”, it would be better if there was a statistic or fact that these kinds of dogs are rare. When I read it I felt like, “Even if your dog attacks you, there are more benefits, so just endure it.” Adding more explanation would make it much better.
ReplyDelete2. What I like about this writing is that as I read I could imagine how they felt during the party and the process of meeting each other was still romantic to me. The part where it says “three musketeers” was impressive because the nicknames were very cute and quite appropriate. Also the part where it the writer wrote “I sensed somebody's continuous sight at me”, from this part I was very curious who that person might be and even thrilled.
On the other hand, the word “but” in the sentence “They knew each other well as they were members of the Japanese faculty of the same university, but me” is a bit confusing. It looked like the sentence wasn’t finished. Also, the emotion that the writer said in the sentences “I kept silent throughout the party. While we enjoyed eating different fresh sushi rolls” were difficult to understand. If I was uncomfortable in the party, I could not have enjoyed the sushi either. Besides that everything was great. THX.
1. What I like about this piece of writing is that you have the main point and supporting details in such a short paragraph. Your main point seems to be a dog is a good companion to human. We often treat our friends and family differently in accordance with our daily condition. I like this line because it really shows the difference between human and dogs and how faithful the dogs are. However, in the first sentence, Although there are some pieces of stunning news about dog attack on children lately, you used a negative fact rather than a positive one. It would be better to use something about a good relationship with dogs and their owner; something positive would be more helpful. Also, In some cases, dogs can bite people to defend themselves from danger. I thought this line as the other side argument but you didn’t exactly refuted and only completed the paragraph. For the improvement, overall your paragraph seems general, so you could add some examples.
ReplyDelete2. What I like about this piece of writing is that you explained specific details such as how you felt when you met the girl at the party. Your main point seems to be how you met the girl who is very special to you. Though I was sitting against her, there was absolutely no word we took out of the mouth. As the party came to an end, I began worrying if I would not have any chance to meet that nice Russian girl. I like these lines because it made me wonder what is going to happen. However, from the last par,. Today we became essential persons to each other. The day wasn't full of romantic events. However, it was one of the most special moments of my life because I met whom I am destined with. Is this means that you are in a relationship with her or not? For the improvement, it was difficult for me to find a clear topic sentence and your tile can be improved because even though after reading the paragraph, I am not sure about what the title trying to say. Thank you.
Thanks for your help. :) I'll keep working on them.
ReplyDelete