200701393 Park Jun Hyung
7 July 2010
Pets are good companions for everyone
I believe that pets are very helpful for everyone. There are three reasons why I think pets are good companions. First, pets are helpful for your health. Most people who raise pets tend to have fewer diseases. There has been a research from Tokyo University which has concluded that having a pet that you enjoy actually lowers your blood pressure and improves your health. Even placing fish tanks in nursing homes helps calm both residents and staff. Also, dogs give a person a reason to get out and walk - they are great companions for an exercise program. Next, pets help people in socializing with others. Pets help people by giving them a living being to care about, to be with, and to talk to. Even animals that are not exactly pets, but, service dogs and guide dogs, for example, help their person to be more social and to make friends. It is easy for me to start a conversation with others on the street when I walk my dog. Sometimes my dog gives me chances to talk with pretty girls as they always say "How adorable!" Although it isn't sure if they were talking to me, it is easy for me to start conversation with them. Finally, pets could be beneficial when raising children. For children, owing a pet improves their self esteem - someone who loves them unconditionally and wants their undivided attention. The presence of pets in the house helps children's responsibility. For example, my aunt told me that it was easy for her to make her child to feel responsible of the dog that we gave I for birthday present. She tried to take care of the dog having it to be always safe and comfortable. She learned the responsibility in a natural way by raising a pet. My aunt also said that it helped to foster her emotional, cognitive, social, and physical development. Sometimes we are pleased by pets and sometimes we rely on pets. Pets are good companions to us.
No money, tomorrow
When I was eleven years old, I had an interesting moment that is now a special memory to me. I started to live in Nashville, Tennessee when I was eleven years old. The first semester of my 4th elementary grade began when I arrived in Nashville. However, I was not able to communicate with classmates or teachers even in simple English. Every day was a nightmare to me as I just watched at the clock hoping for class to finish soon. One day in the morning, I forgot to receive two dollars from my father. As soon as I noticed the absence of my lunch money, I started to panic. At that time, I did not know how to explain to the teacher that I didn't bring lunch money. Lack of vocabulary and my laziness in studying English started to pay off. I thought about telling the teacher that I cannot eat lunch because of the stomach ache because I learned the English word, stomach, from my sister on the day before. I thought about saying to the teacher "My stomach sick." But as a little boy, I was anxious of getting in trouble that what if teacher brings me to the doctor and finds out that I lied to her. After hundreds of thoughts coming up on my mind, the lunch time finally had come. The classmates were heading to cafeteria and I just followed them without any plan or strategy to break through that difficult situation. As I was standing in line to receive foods on tray, my palms were so sweaty because of my nerve. I looked over the classmates in front of me paying two dollars to the cashier at the end of the distribution plates. Then, I saw a classmate who passed through the cashier without paying the money. He said something but I wasn't able to listen because of the distance. Finally, it was my turn to pay for the lunch. I was unprepared and did not know what to say for the excuse. However, since I knew the word money and tomorrow, I just said "No money, tomorrow." Then, the cashier said "Yes" with her smiling face. All at sudden, my nerves were relaxed and I breathed a sigh of relief. In retrospect, although it was not much a hard situation for me, I was overly worried because it was the moment that I never encountered before. Even now, it sometimes makes me a little smile when I recall this moment happened by my poor English. It is a special memory to me as it was my first suffering moment caused by English.
1. What I like about this writing is that it has several clear points and easy to follow. The main point seems to be that raising pets has benefits in many ways. The part where it says “Sometimes my dog gives me chances to talk with pretty girls as they always say "How adorable!" Although it isn't sure if they were talking to me, it is easy for me to start conversation with them”, makes me really laugh because I do the same thing whenever a big dog goes by. I even heard some people borrow dogs to attract women. Also I liked the example where you put your aunt’s daughter. I could understand how her daughter could build up her personality by raising a dog. But the introduction part and the conclusion sentence is somehow weak compared to the supporting sentence. Especially, the concluding sentence only states that pets are good companions but does not restate your supporting ideas. Besides that I enjoyed, reading.
ReplyDelete2. As I read through this writing, I was so nervous that I read so quickly to see the end. I could feel myself getting afraid and worried. The main point seems to be the frustrating experience you have gone through while you were in the States. I especially liked the part where you said “No money, tomorrow.” All of the sudden I had this relief and I could pretty much imagine how embarrassed you were. Also, the part where you started to think about the lies was very funny and descriptive. It was easy to understand your situation. Overall I liked the story very much but the word “interesting” in the first sentence was a bit awkward. Because the experience you had was more embarrassing than interesting, I think a different word could be much better.
1. Yes, pets are good companions :) I think you picked good three reasons. All of them are supportive. Especailly, I liked the last part. You said, sometimes pets are good because you can have chances to have conversation with pretty women. I think it makes your writing funny to read. However, your writing starts somehow seriously mentioning research and ends up with a funny example. Even though I'm not sure I think you can chosse how your writing is more likely to be.. between serious or interesting.
ReplyDeleteparagraph 2
I really like your second paragraph. It's so cute. Also, you write so well so I can follow your emotion and situation as if I could see what happened to you. You used simple and adequate vocabs and quatations are good for making your writing more interesting too.
Well, I guess your writing is already good, but you can make the first sentence even more catchy! Somethow, comapred to the interesting content, the fist sentence is just soso... maybe you can start it more specific sentence!