July 7, 2010
Ho Won Lee
What changes would you like to see made to the Educational System?
The biggest change that should be made in the educational system would be the university entrance system. First, the university entrance exam should not be the most important method of evaluation which basically classifies them academically and eventually acts as a critical factor of distinction of which social class you will be in. Because of the fact that the employers regard the university of the employee very highly when recruiting new workers, this has become a sad reality of the current workforce in Korea. Instead, the students should be evaluated according to their performance during the 4 years of university; because this is a more accurate and trustful proof that the student is a worker that fits the company's needs. Let's say that a student is hired at the earliest age of 24 and at the latest 28, then isn't it logical to evaluate the workers based on their latest achievements and traits instead of a test they took when they were 19? A person might refute this by saying the university exam is a strong fact that helps assort the ethical people from the unethical because it requires so much preparation. However, 4 years can change a person a lot if not completely and it takes a minimum of 4 years to be able to get a degree which you need to apply for a job. Consequently, I believe the students' level of academia should be tested upon how much experience, good deeds, and how hard you worked at University rather than weighing in heavily on the exam to judge a potential employee's academic standard.
How you met someone who is important to me
In Toronto, I met a friend who saved me from being confused about my true religion and rectified me into becoming a devoted Christian. The name of the person who is important to me is Matt and he was my colleague in high school. It had been 5 years since I last saw him and we never kept in touch with each other. He was one of those students who were very troublesome. He was involved in activities that were inappropriate such as smoking cigarettes and marijuana. Also, he skipped classes and spent most of the time seducing girls. Basically, he was an extremely secular student who was not interested in school. However, he had a great personality and humor. He was very kind, appreciating and upright. In addition, he respected everyone and never offended anyone by despising others. Although, he was not very responsible, he was one of the few people who I always admired for his or her great character. It had been 5 years since the last time I ever even saw a glimpse of him. During this time my belief about my religion, Christianity was diminishing and I was struggling to find a true religion that I could be dedicated to. Tired form all this conflict against myself, I decided to forget about religion and spent time studying what I wanted in the library. During this time, I suddenly wondered how Matt was doing these days. One day I was walking to the library when I saw him sitting right in front of me on the library security's chair. I talked to him expecting him to be still my old troublesome Matt, but to my surprise he had completely changed. He asked me to read the bible which was the first book that he ever read that made him like books. He started to give me advice on my life by applying the knowledge he gained from the bible. His wisdom and intellect completely stunned me. I felt that he was at least 10 years older that I was. Due to this occasion, I was able to find my church and regain my trust in Christianity which helped me to have the faith that I have as of now. Matt is the person who I will always remember. He is a person who deserves my utmost respect. I want to express all my gratitude and appreciation towards him.
1st paragraph
ReplyDeleteWhat I like the most of this piece of writing is that it is very logical writing despite using a little bit difficult vocabularies.
I totally agree on your idea; “Let's say that a student is hired at the earliest age of 24 and at the latest 28, then isn't it logical to evaluate the workers based on their latest achievements and traits instead of a test they took when they were 19?”
As I mentioned earlier, I found logical thinking in this sentence. I think your point is employers should think about what the applicants achieved during his university life more importantly, and that makes the current education system be changed. This writing should be about changing educational system, I think. I mean, I understood your point but I think you are talking about applying job and hiring employees more than about the education system.
And as I already mentioned during the class time in this afternoon, the second sentence is too long to understand, so I think it will be better if it’s separated.
2nd paragraph
This is about your friend who used to be a trouble maker and later became a strong believer. I like the story about someone admirable and especially you wrote how your friend Matt changed his attitude towards the world. It gives some tension to the writing. But after I read it all, I was wondering what made Matt be changed. If you put some stories or brief explanation about that, it will be more interesting, I think.
I posted comments as a feed back but it doesn't show up! Whyyyy?
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is that your argument is very clear and well supported. Your main point seems that what counts is that how students perform in the university not just disposable one time college enterance exam. What I liked the most is that you included the opposition and contradict it again. That is, "A person might refute this by saying~However, 4 years can change a person a lot ~." In the same line,'ethical people' was a bit hard for me to catch the meaning. I am not sure but thought 'hard-working' or 'sincere' better suits. The title of the paragraph is about 'changes' but I only see the one main point that people should be graded according to the university performance.
ReplyDelete2. This writing is very reliable and appealing because it is based on your personal real life experience. Your main point seems that Matt helped you to find the meaning of life through religion when you needed. Lines that you described his personality such as 'he was appericiating and upright' hit me because I didn't know that you could explain one's personality in this way, using these words. This paragraph is consisted with two parts that why you liked Matt (before he went through some inner changes) and how he helped you find meaning in Christianity. It seems to be a bit too long to handle two main points in one paragraph thus wouldn't it be better to focus on how you open the door for improvement and change through Matt?