Name: Yunyoung Kim
Date: Wed, June 23
My Favorite Room in My Home
There are five rooms in my home; the biggest one is for my parents, three rooms are for my siblings and me respectively, and the other is a study. Among those different rooms, my favorite one is my room because it always welcomes me. If I enter my room by the white wooden door with a golden doorknob, I can see a wide white sashed window with an olive polka dot curtain hanging on it on the far wall. Also against the far wall, but on the left, in the corner, is my white double bed and there is a huge fluffy white teddy bear on it. On the right wall, in the left corner, there is a light wooden desk with a bookshelf and another bookshelf is right next to it on a small white cabinet. Against the left wall, also in the left corner, is a large yellow-green and lilac wardrobe which is full of my clothes and the third bookshelf is on the right side of the wardrobe. With those pieces of pastel colored furniture, my room has been a warm welcome to me and makes me feel relaxed after long days.
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Choe Byoung bin
ReplyDeleteWhat I like about this piece of writing is that you used lots of sensitive and vivid adjectives to describe your room. I could picture your room right away while reading. Your main point seems to be why you like your room and the organization of the room. I especially liked 'an olive polka dot curtain hanging on it on the far wall' because this phrase adds spacious sense. I also like 'a huge fluffy white teddy bear'. It explains well how this stuff provoke comfortable feelings. Last but not least, 'with those pieces of pastel colored furniture' sums up and gathers your descriptions under one theme, thus bistow coherence to the whole paragraph. This paragraph is well organized but sorting out a minor line that might be improved is that 'If I enter my room ~ I can see~.' It sounds a bit ackward because your room is always there for you to enter. Wouldn't it be more natural with 'when' and erase 'can'?
I think you are talking about your own room as your favorite room. I really liked how you used varioius color adjectives -white sashed window, olive polka dot curtain, yellow-green and lilac wardrobe-to describe your furnitures in your room. But it was quite hard to draw your room because as the wrtiting continued there were too many direction wrods like "On the right wall, in the left corner"
ReplyDeleteI think this piece of writing would be easier to read if you decribe your room in a one way direction rather than explaining like 'now at the right corner and then at the left corner' something like this. Also I think it would be better for readers to catch the main point faster if you write "my favorite one is my room because it always welcomes me." first and then explain about the rooms.
Thnak you.