Seon Hae Shin
Date: 30 June 2010
My Best Cousin
Does it have to be a friend to be a best friend? Well, for me my cousin is one of my best friends, who help me whenever I am in trouble. Out of my 13 cousins my favorite and closest one is Ji-Min who’s just two years older than me. We weren’t very close when we were young because we did not have many chances to meet each other. However as we grew older, and as we both started to live in Seoul we became a real support to each other. Whenever I go through a trouble or have a concern that’s even too difficult to discuss it with my friends I call her up and ask for her help. Then she helps me with all her efforts to solve my problems with me. For example, once my body wasn’t in a good shape but it was kind of hard to discuss it with my friends so the only choice, since my parents weren’t next to me, I had was to ask for her help. I asked my cousin if she could come with me to the hospital and guess what the answer was. Of course it was yes without any hesitation. Also last winter, when the weather was freezing cold, my house’s boiler had burst which made me feel like I was standing on the ice on a bare foot. Not just the floor, water made me feel as if my finger was going to chop out, I was like living in an igloo. To spend the night safely my only hope was my cousin. Even though I hadn’t met her for the whole semester her first words were “come quickly.” These days it’s not easy for both of us to meet frequently because of my school and her work. But whenever I need her help or she needs mine we call each other at anytime and ask for it because we are family and in the same time best friends to each other.
Let’s get a Driver License
Achieving a driver license is not the most important thing in our life, but it’s a convenience license if we have one. To achieve the driver license in Korea you have to go though several steps. First, you have to decide which kind of license you are going to aim for. In Korea there are three kinds: 1jong bo-tong(a license that allow you to drive both automatic and stick), 1jong dae-hyeong(a license that allow you to drive big trucks or buses) and 2 jong bo-tong( a license that allow you to drive only automatic cars). Then you have to do checkups to find out whether you are appropriate for driving a car or not. For example, color blinds can’t drive because it’s harder for them to see the signal properly. After you figured out that you are the most perfect person to drive, then you try out for the written test. It’s done by few clicks on the computer so you can find out whether you passed or failed right away. In order to pass the test you must pass 60 points for the 2 jong bo-tong and 70 points for 1 jong bo-tong. When you passed the written test next you’ll have to visit near academy and must get three hours compulsory education and have to pass another test called functional test. The functional test is a test done inside the academy where it looks like a real road in a small version and test you on all the fundamental things about driving. When you passed the functional test as well next you schedule yourself for driving practice for the driving test, which is the last step for achieving the driving license. After ten hours of practice on a real road you go for the driving test. Finally, it you got passed the driving test as well you will be able to achieve a driver license with your proud face and name on it. Money and time is needed in achieving a driving license but your effort is the most defiantly required aspect to go through several steps and tests to live a convenience life.
1. What I like about this piece of writing is that it shows you and your cousin are in a good relationship, even more than that. Your main point seems to be your best friend is your cousin. These lines struck me as powerful. First, “Does it have to be a friend to be a best friend?” It was a really interesting hook and it caught my attention. Then, “Also last winter, when the weather was freezing cold, my house’s boiler had burst which made me feel like I was standing on the ice on a bare foot. Not just the floor, water made me feel as if my finger was going to chop out, I was like living in an igloo.” Those sentences are really well-describing the situation when you were in trouble because of boiler last winter. However, “once my body wasn’t in a good shape but it was kind of hard to discuss it with my friends so the only choice, since my parents weren’t next to me, I had was to ask for her help.” was a bit confusing line because at first I thought you were talking about you gained some weight, so I could understand it after reading it through and you can make it clear reorganizing this sentence. Changing some unclear parts would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing.
ReplyDelete2. What I like about this piece of writing is that it was informative with specific details about getting driver’s license. Your main point seems to be to share information on how to get a driver’s license. These lines struck me as powerful. One is “1jong bo-tong(a license that allow you to drive both automatic and stick), 1jong dae-hyeong(a license that allow you to drive big trucks or buses) and 2 jong bo-tong( a license that allow you to drive only automatic cars)”. These are really useful detailed information to a novice like me. Another is “The functional test is a test done inside the academy where it looks like a real road in a small version and test you on all the fundamental things about driving.” This step is the most interesting part among all and I like how you expressed it in this way. Some thing isn’t clear to me. “Finally, it you got passed the driving test..” Probably your typing error. If instead of it. Also, I think some words are overrepeated(driving, test, license), so you can omit some of those when it is obvious what you are going to say or you can use other words (it, the-..) instead of repeating it. Thank you.
1. What I like about your writing is that you are using examples that can show the good relationship between you and your cousin. Your cousin seems to be a kind and nice person and it’s lovely to see how you two are getting along well. I like the part you described her kindness by quoting her words “come quickly.” when you were in trouble. And also, the lines you describe yourself in the cold room was quite effective. “standing on the ice on a bare foot”, “finger was going to chop out”, and “living in an igloo” are interesting way to understand the situation. But I’m not so sure about the meaning of the first sentence, ‘Does it have to be a friend to be a best friend?’ Are you talking about the age? It’s a little bit confusing for me. And, what do you mean by your body was ‘not in a good shape’? I thought it means that you gained some weight, but I’m not so sure about my interpretation. I think if you just add some more details about your cousin and how you two became closer, it will be a good paragraph.
ReplyDelete2.Your main point of this piece of writing seems to be several steps to obtain a driver’s license. What I like about this paragraph is your descriptions about the process is easy to read and quite detailed. The words such as ’60 points’, ’70 points’, and ‘ten hours of practicing’ are very precise and make this paragraph more informative. And I also like the concluding sentence, especially ‘your effort is the most defiantly required aspect to go through several steps and tests to live a convenience life’. I think this conclusion will very likely to make readers motivated to do their best for driver’s license. But I wonder if the part you wrote three kinds of license in Korean was necessary. You wrote things like ‘1jong bo-tong’ and add some explanations after it, but I think it’s not that useful in this context. And for the part you mentioned check-ups, it can be improved by adding some more examples or process of it. I think if you can give some more tips for these steps, I think it will be a very informative writing.
What I like about this piece of writing is that the author gives examples that are easy to understand. And this makes the author's writing more convincing. Your main point seems to be that your favorite relative is your cousin. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful :" I asked my cousin if she could come with me to the hospital and guess what the answer was. Of course it was yes without any hesitation." In this sentence, the reader can guess that your cousin is really kind and warm-hearted person. The one change you could make is tell the readers more about your relationship with your cousin like how you and your cousin got closed; to make the story more interesting and personal.
ReplyDelete-Jiyoon Bae