200703360 Choe Byoung bin
How to find a rental house in Seoul
Finding a place to stay in downtown Seoul is difficult and annoying since this huge city is crowded with over 10 million people. There are several ways to find a rental house, depending on what kind of house you are looking for. You can find lodging house or home stay room through many internet communities. Flyers are often used in a university town. In this case, face to face contract is established and you should take a risk because you don't know him/her financial conditions well enough to make a contract. That is why people prefer real estate agency when finding a house. Real state agency plays a financial guarantor role so that you can rely on them. Real estate agency workers will offer you several choices as soon as you ask them your conditions and requirements. For the next step, you go with agency employees to see the place in person and decide whether you are going to rent that place. Making a real contract with that agency is the only thing that awaiting for you. After filling out identification and financial status sheet, presenting identity card and paying for the commission and rental fee, everything is settled. Real estate agency makes whole process of renting a house a lot easier with some commission fee.
A good English Teacher
A good English teacher is the one who is generous. I really respect my middle school English teacher because she was so open-minded. For example, every two week, she wanted us write a heart-felt letter to her about the class. Mostly, we wrote what was good about this class or how this teaching method made us feel. Based on these little advices and feelings, she tried different kinds of teaching method. She strived to create the most effective way to teach us English. For instance, she taught us pop songs and made us to analyze the lyrics. After that, she asked us to write down our feelings about the song. It was very effective way to learn English because not only learning pop songs was interesting but spilling out our own thoughts about particular song made us to think, react and develop our own creative ideas about the topic. After the semester, we even made our own play out of those pop songs and performed during the school festival. Because she respected us and put our feelings into consideration when teaching, she is remembered the best English teacher ever for me and my friends.
These two pieces of writing are so simple and quite clear that I can catch your points what you want to tell easily.
ReplyDeleteIn the first paragraph, I like you wrote how to rent a room or house not in another country but in Korea, so that I can be applicable easily for someone who wants to find their place in here.
However, I expected more creative way of looking for places instead having the agency take charge of this because it would be more fun writing, I think.
So, I think it could be interesting if you used a little bit your imagination or creativity.
For second paragraph, I like you wrote your own experience when you were young. Having good teacher is so important, especially for young people when they learn foreign language. And you point out teachers should listen to their students and be open-minded so as to be a good teacher, which I strongly agree with.
However, you obviously mentioned " she tried different kinds of teaching method." , I read only one example in this paragraph.I know you had some process when you studied pop song but it is still one method, i think.
So, this part is somewhat unclear to me.
Overall, you used simple sentences so that readers can get your point easily, which is so great, I think.
To Choe Byoung Bin From Ho Won Lee
ReplyDeleteFeedback on “How to Find a Rental House in Seoul”
1. What I like about this piece of writing is that is has specific information regarding the process of getting a house in downtown Seoul.
2. Your main point seems to be that there are several ways to find a rental house depending on what kind of a house you are looking for.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
Words or lines
1. Real estate plays a financial guarantor role so that you can rely on them.
I liked them because
1. It informed me of new information and had a clear and specific reason why you decided to explain about the process of using the real estate agency to purchase a house in downtown Seoul.
4. Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved:
Lines or parts
1. Making a real contract with the agency is the only thing that is waiting for you.
2. Real estate agency makes the whole process of renting a lot easier with some commission fee.
Need improving because
1. The phrase “real contract” is just too vague. You should explain it in a more detailed way by differentiating a contract from a “real contract. Maybe “Finalizing the contract with the agency is the only thing that is waiting for you” might sound clearer.
2. This sentence seemed to be your concluding sentence but it does come in accordance with your topic sentence which is also unclear.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is writing a clearer topic sentence that represents what your paragraph will talk about and uniting the paragraph in harmony with your topic sentence. Your paragraph seems to be talking about the various methods of purchasing houses depending on the type of the house and suddenly it shifted towards the process of getting a house with the help of a real estate agency.
Feedback on “A Good English Teacher”
1. What I like about this piece of writing is that is has specific, clear and lively descriptions the teacher’s actions which were touching and examples of why the teacher was so memorable to the writer.
2. Your main point seems to be “The good teacher is the one who is generous”.
3. These particular words or lines struck me as powerful:
Words or lines
1. “It was a very effective way to learn English because not only learning pop songs was interesting but spilling out our own thoughts about particular song made us to think, react and develop our own creative ideas about the topic”.
I liked them because
1. The sentence was well organized and very clear and accurate even though it was very long. Also, the writer used the expression “Spilling out our own thoughts” which I thought was very creative because she didn’t’ use the phrase spilling out as in spilling water, instead she used it as freely expressing her own thoughts.
4. Some things aren’t clear to me. These lines or parts could be improved:
Lines or parts
1. “After the semester, we even made our own play out of those pop songs and performed during the school festival”.
Need improving because
1. The sentence is irrelevant to the topic of the teacher’s generosity and open-mindedness.
5. The one change you could make that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing is clarifying the word “feelings” because the word feelings is usually used to describe and express emotional activities rather than on methods or processes.
What I like about this piece of writing(good English teacher) is that the author used simple words that had strong effect. The paragraph was not that long yet it was very clear to understand. your main point seems that an open minded teacher who respect one's students is a good teacher. I like the particular words you used : "After the semester, we even made our own play out of those pop songs and performed during the school festival" because you gave a very successful example of your English teacher who improved the students' confidence and proficieny in English. The one change you could make that would be to make your writing more personal. Even though you gave a lot of good examples, still I feel you can tell the readers more about what you felt and what you appreciate about your teacher. -Jiyoon Bae
ReplyDelete