200603322 Hyun Kyoung Cha
My worst waiter
Have you ever been ignored while paying your own money for something? It's bad enough being ignored by your friends but I was once severely ignored by a waiter. He just would not pay attention to us. When we first went into the restaurant, usually waiters come up to us and take us to our seats. But this peculiar waiter, just took a glance at us and then walked away, leaving us there standing for 10 minutes. So we had no choice but to find our own seats, even though we had reserved! Moreover, he just would not listen or answer to what we would say. We called him to ask for the menu but he would not answer or neither give us the menu. Also, when it came to ordering, he would not reply when confirming our orders. We even called him two or three times to ask for some water, but as usual, he just would not say anything or at least nod his head. I even thought for a moment that he might have physical difficulties talking, but surprisingly, I saw him talk to the manager. I could not forget this experience, due to the fact that it was the worst service I had ever got in my whole life.
How to throw a surprise birthday party for a friend
How about making your friend cry on her birthday? It's really fun. Just throw her a surprise birthday party. You have to first, make a reason to have an arguement with the birthday girl a few days before the big day. Make her feel so mad that she'd never want to see you again. All YOU have to do is not talk to her or call her and probably she'll do the same back. Then she will think that you have forgotten about her birthday and feel a bit depressed. Buy balloons and decorations to make the party atmosphere bright and happy. Also, don't forget the cake. By the time you do all of this, the birthday girl will be anxious about what will happen to her birthday. Make another friend call the birthday girl and make her act as if there's nothing going on and that we have forgotten about your birthday. When the birthday girl meets the other friend, she'll be eager to see what her friends have done for her birthday. The important part is that you have to pretend that there is really nothing for the birthday girl. By the time you get to this stage, the birthday girl will have lost her temper and will be an inch away from storming home. This is the moment you lead the birthday girl into the party room and yell, "Surprise!" and then she will be crying her head off. I would have to say, there is no better way to give your friend a memorable party, than a surprise party.
1. What I like about this piece of writing is that I could feel how much the waiter’s attitude was offensive to you and your friends. How dare! Your main point seems to be one of your bad memories about the worst waiter. “I even thought for a moment that he might have physical difficulties talking.” and “But this peculiar waiter, just took a glance at us and then walked away, leaving us there standing for 10 minutes.” struck me as powerful because I could picture more clearly about his facial expressions, movement and also your situation at the restaurant because of his indifference, laziness, or disobliging attitude. A separated and clear topic sentence would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing.
ReplyDelete2. What I like about this piece of writing is that it was interesting to know that a lot of people hold a surprise party in a similar way as I do and I could feel how much you care about your friend. Your main point seems to be to let us know how to throw a surprise party for a friend. These lines struck me as powerful. One is “When the birthday girl meets the other friend, she'll be eager to see what her friends have done for her birthday.” This line reminds me of one surprise party for a friend of mine. Another is “This is the moment you lead the birthday girl into the party room and yell, "Surprise!" and then she will be crying her head off.” Crying her head off was a brilliant expression and this line shows the highlight of the surprise party. If you can substitute other various expressions for “the birthday girl” that would make the biggest improvement in this piece of writing. Thank you.
Example Paragraph
ReplyDelete1. What I like about this piece of writing is that it illustrates the experience very clear the writer had.
2. Your main points seems to be that you have seen this terrible waiter who does not do his work at all.
3. "I even thought for a moment that he might have physical difficulties talking" - This part shows your feeling and emotion very well. I can even imagine how he was behaving.
4. "when it came to ordering, he would not reply when confirming our orders." - Did you ask the waiter about your orders? Or did he just not check what you ordered?
5. It would be much better if you could describe the waiters attitude with a little bit more adjectives.
Process paragraph
1. What I like about this writing is it reminds me of my high school life. My friends did the same thing to me. It's very descriptive and also gives me instructions.
2. Your main point seems to be first, make your friend disappointed and then make here moved.
3. "By the time you get to this stage, the birthday girl will have lost her temper and will be an inch away from storming home"
- I'm not sure whether this collocation is right or not but it is very hilarious.
4. "All YOU have to do is not talk to her or call her and probably she'll do the same back."
- I don't understand the reason why she would do the same back.
5. At the first sentence you started to use "her", but using another word as friend or explaining why you specified as a "girl" would be better to understand.