Shinjae Sung
Assignment date: 30/06/10 (first draft)
You'd think knowing the waitress at your favourite bar would be helpful- but it isn't. Knowing the waitress is the worst thing possible for both the waitress and customer. A few months ago, the first day on a waitressing job, I had an embarrassing encounter with a certain customer. But first I should describe the bar. A tiny lounge bar selling liquor and an assortment of different tasting tobacco (apple mint, raspberry etc…) smoked through an Indian water-pipe or "hookah," it opened only after dark and constantly had diluted tobacco smoke and beastly cigarette smoke pouring out of every single person there. My friend, Chay used to call the place, "A smoke filled cherry pie" with all the red faced drunks. But the Indian hookahs were what made this place so popular. Every table ordered one or two of these glass containers shaped like sitting elephants with long trunks that coughed up portions of light, sweet smoke that made you feel gay and drugged. It wasn't just the tobacco that was different. Even though I was the waitress, table orders were taken by whoever was manning the counter that night. Depending on how good the counter manager was that day, the waitresses at times had to juggle furiously with switched orders. If it hadn't been for a switched order I might not have bumped into a customer who took the same lecture as I did at the time. The first problem was that I knew him from school, a place we all put on a nice mask to hide the fact we are individuals with wacky pastimes. Then there was the fact I had made the mistake of bringing him something he hadn't even ordered, hence the reason I bumped into him in the first place. We eventually said hello and I was on my way again delivering various water-pipes. But he seemed more bothered than I was because he kept watching me move to and fro from the kitchen and out again to wait tables. This wasn't all. Each time his girlfriend tried to be affectionate, he'd turn and try to lean away casually. What was worse was I could see this, his girlfriend could see this, he could see this and it turned into a nice big quarrel. We had no relation whatsoever other than that we were in a lecture together only containing a handful of students. I'm guessing one reason was he didn't want a classmate to think he was less of a gentleman because he seemed so nice in class. It wasn't just him; I always prefer keeping my personal life separate from whatever I have at college so people will look at me like an average student. When you know the waitress for whatever reason, things get overly uncomfortable. Another possible reason is that nobody likes having someone you know from some other place like church or college serve you food when they're usually studying or praying right along beside you. The worst waiter or waitress you can ever have is someone you know, so I'd take a butterfingered waiter over someone I know any day.
Wasn't It Your Birthday Last Month?
Shinjae Sung
Assignment date: 30/06/10 (first draft)
Pretend to forget the date of someone's birthday and it'll buy you the chance for the best surprise party. The most important rule in creating the perfect surprise party that nobody would ever expect is saying you forgot about it and making all preparations secret. The first few steps are similar to what any birthday party would be like. First, choose how many people will be invited and stick to closest friends because a surprise party can be a bit overwhelming for your birthday-person when finally revealed. The number of people must be established beforehand so that location can be decided. The more people, the larger the venue will be. When choosing location, as it is going to be a surprise party, the places the person most often visits such as home, school or work is the best way to go. If there is a route the person takes daily such as the park or a certain street, it might be fun to get a small party ready there after getting permission from locals. Even in situations where there is a party venue that you are set on using, you can find out if this person has anyone around them with a birthday in the same month and pretend it is that person's party. Then you can easily take the real birthday-person to a further location saying it is someone else's party. Then comes contacting everyone to make sure the secret is kept and everyone must act oblivious of the birthday and the party. Keep in mind that there are always those who aren't so good at acting, so these people will need to be kept away from the birthday-person as the party date gets closer. Afterwards, on the day of the party, one person must keep in touch with or be with the birthday-person for most of the day so the plan won't suddenly change course. It is surprising how many times people just decide to do something on their own for their birthday, believing everyone has forgotten. I once had a surprise birthday ready only for the birthday girl to go get drunk on her own and come home five hours after the party was meant to start. By then, everyone had gone home and all that was left were soggy crisps and a few measly drops of wine. Finally, at home, work or whichever place you choose for the party, get everyone in perfect hiding places so nobody gets caught until the lights come on. Instead of just turning the lights on and saying, "SURPRISE!" it might be more original to be in a dimly lit room (like the workplace after hours) where the birthday-person doesn't have to put the light on right away and can walk about suspicious of nothing for a few moments (in the workplace you could even have some people pretending to work late) until everyone springs up and gives that person a happy fright! Throwing a party in itself isn't an easy task but with surprise parties, as long as you put enough effort into making the birthday-person oblivious of the party's existence, you're bound to succeed in making it a birthday to remember.
Paragragh 1
ReplyDeleteI really like your writing because it was fun and interesting to read. Especaillly I like the fact that it's the waitress view not customers' view.
I like your first sentence (the hook) and the last sentence. It's simple and impressive at the same time.
I think you can maybe shorten the part of describing the restaurant and hookah. It makes your writing more descriptive, but quite long. It's nor really related to the topic either. I suggest you can decribe how you dressed or he dreesed.. how it was different from in class.. something like that.
Paragraph 2
I like the title of this paragraph. It's attractive for readers. Also, I really like the part that "keep away some people who are bad at acting" I totally agree with this part. It reminded me of my surprise party experience too.
Even though you picked some really good steps, it's hard to remember at the end. Since it's a process writing, you can sum up(?) a little bit, or emphasize some important points. Or you can use your experience for the whole process (not only for one step).
The 1st par.
ReplyDeleteThis piece of writing is a really concrete description of a bar, but not 'of the worst waitress ever'. Some errors with punctuation were found somewhere in the middle of the paragraph. I doubt if it is really neccessary to describe the view in the bar. The 7th line from the bottom of the paragraph 'It wasn't just him; ~ an average student.' can be shortened.
The 2nd par.
The absence of hook is the weakest point of this paragraph. It starts with steps from the beginning. Besides, it's hard to motivate readers to follow those steps. The writing is very detailed. The length seems unnecessarily long. The step of hiding the birthday party venue from the person 'concerned' is not very persuasive. For me, it might be very difficult to find a friend of 'the person', who has a birthday on the same date.